I Am OK…

Aayush has moved onto preschool. For the school, it is just transferring him to the class next door. For me, it is his first step to growing up. For him, a whole new batch of kids, bigger class and teachers that treat him more like an adult and less like a kid. He walked into the class this morning with me, his hand in mine, looked around the new surroundings and gulped twice. I bent down, intent on staying for a good while longer till he is comfortable in the new class.

“Aayush, I can stay for a while, if you like.”

He looked at me, gulped down hard to stop the lone tear in his right eye from falling amd said ina very low voice,

“You can go.”

Then, he smiled wobbly and said in a more firmer voice,

“I am OK..”

With that, he let go of my hand and walked over to one of the drawing boards. I stood there uncertainly and then slowly started backing away towards the door when he wouldn’t look back and seemed intent on drawing. He didn’t look back till he heard the door open and then gave a wide, real smile this time before waving me off.

I walked back to my car in a haze. This was the first time I got that feeling. He is growing up. There was a lump in my throat as I drove away, I did not feel that way even on the first day, I dropped him off at the daycare. He is becoming independent and much as I am proud of him, I am going to miss his clinging. The practical side of me is telling me that it is good thing and in good time,too. Anoushka has reached a age when she has started the clinging-to-mommy business right now. But, sometimes feelings have nothing to do with practicality.

There is a lump in my throat as I type this post. As I go to pick him up today, I gulp down the lump just as he had this morning. “I am OK..”, I say to myself just as he had to me this morning. There is Anoushka.

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18 thoughts on “I Am OK…

  1. Hey Vee, kids sometimes say the most touching things na! It totally misted my eyes…..

    Well, kids sometimes say the darndest things, too. Like repeating only for the hubby’s ears gossip in front of other people. :blush:

    But, this one was real touching.

  2. Welcome to my world!!;D
    It’s gets worse as they grow up and don’t look back at you when in middle and high school!

    Arre, Asha-ji. I don’t want to know that this soon. I am already dreading Anoushka doing the same to me. So ironical, isn’t it? When they are naughty, I keep saying,”When will these kids grow up?” and when they take that teeny-weeny step towards growing up, I am getting all emotional here.

  3. Imagine how I feel, I have just the one son! And he is already sixteen! Hang in there!

    Oh Dear, does he drive? Does he want to drive? Is he pestering you for a bike?

    OK, Vee. Deep Breaths. At this rate, I will go crazy by the time Aayush is 16.

  4. Oh… so touching. I go through a similar thing except that my son is only into daycare and that too just twice a week. But he has already grown up to say bye to me with a little quiver in his voice but yet brave. It’s funny isn’t it… all the while (during the clinging phase) i thought of some time for myself but now i feel suddenly so lonely walking around those few hrs without the little one. May be time to have another one;)

    Definitely time for another one, if you are thinking of it, Latha. πŸ™‚ As they say, Be careful what you wish for, you just migth get it. Though, this one is not that bad. I am over it a little bit today. I was really down about it yesterday.

  5. Vee!!
    hey Vee come on!! I know its so hard to let go of their hand when its an unknown territory.
    But kids are very adaptive so don’t u worry!!!

    Actually, I was worrying about myself.. πŸ˜€
    I know Padmaja. He was very happy to see me when I went to pick him up and he had a great day. He actually said he had fun. So, life is good, for now.

  6. Hi vee,
    My daughter clung to me and cried the first few weeks she started going to daycare. It was painful to see her go that way. Now, she waves goodbye and happily throws a flying kiss as her dad takes her along in the morning. Though I feel better about sending her now, do miss those first-few-week-scenes. We mothers!!!

    Lovely post there….

  7. Hi vee,
    My daughter clung to me and cried the first few weeks she started going to daycare. It was painful to see her go that way. Now, she waves goodbye and happily throws a flying kiss as her dad takes her along in the morning. Though I feel better about sending her now, do miss those first-few-week-scenes. We mothers!!!

    Lovely post there…

  8. Yeah! Vee!! good one and very touching. When i first left my son in school and came back home and wept for half an hour, and felt really silly after that. I thought I never wanted to go back to that moment again. But Zee!! that never happens! now my little one is linedup to big school next year. Thanks for sharing vee!

    Aruna

  9. Vee- That’s a definite marker-line isn’t it? Between dependent child and the start of letting go. Try not to magnify those memories of the past too much, after all, it isn’t the end so much as the beginning of something new. He’ll still need a lot of your help yet- you know? πŸ˜‰

  10. Ditto my feelings in your post,Vee!! Beginning September my 2 3/4th (hahha) yr old daughter wd b(or will have to b) sent to play school! i was thinking this afternoon, those days of dependency (her on me) wd b slowly coming to an end and i wd miss her for few hours! Though younger one(18 month old boy) is still in clinging phase! Honestly its scary but practical to let them grow and c them at it!!! but i guess thats what life is all about!!!
    tks for posting!!(Ek article mast kaal magiri aaiyle jallyari badda ranya etta..cherdu adapt kartati..but ammaley mann khanchya mhantati ye hanga proove jatta…nai vey?) Aayushaka all the best!!

  11. So brave … u must be glad and sad at the same time for Aayush showing that maturity. Its so often our two and three yr olds utter pearls of wisdom for us to ponder.

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